Birthdays and the annual physical go hand in hand for me. Birthday. Next morning, every conceivable bloodtest ever devised is administered, and the following week is the follow-up with the doc.
Yesterday was the follow up.
Blood pressure: 106/70
Pulse: yes I have one, it's 70. (Sometimes I wonder).
Temp: 98.1
Fasting blood sugar: 99
Everything else was well within the norms. So I'm healthy, right?
Doc: You're post menopausal.
Me: Yep. But I'm no longer a Ph.B.
D: Ph.B?
M: post menopausal hell bitch, thanks to the CPAP.
D: you've had a complete hystorectomy--who did that?
M: Royce Everett. He said he never wants to operate on me again.
D: I know Royce. When was your last mammogram?
M: never had one.
D: with your history? Mother and maternal grandmother? Why not?
M: when was the last time you voluntarily put your testicles into a vise?
D: (pause) My wife doesn't like them, either. It really needs to be done.
M: (longer pause) OK.
D: what about a colonoscopy?
M: (baleful stare and silence) I won't go to the hospital here. The billing sucks. You have to pay up front, then if any other charges get tacked on, the bill goes to a collection agency before they send a bill to you.
D: I have a friend at I--- in OKC. I'd go to him.
M: have him call me.
I hate physicals. I stopped by the deli on the way home and got a slice of carrot cake.
D:
I tried not to, but this had me in tears... laughing. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall.
ReplyDeleteAnd, you've been tagged, m'luv:
http://pagan-culture.blogspot.com/2012/01/double-witchy-cat-dare-you.html
http://kimr-gaia.blogspot.com/2012/02/tagged-im-it-now-what.html
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